Saturnalia

Now that the dust has settled in that big, beautiful, historic, building. The most beautiful hidden mess. Perfect in every imperfect way. Tis' time to reflect on those walls being filled with a

once-in-a-solstice collaboration of live art, dance, music, installations, and community. Every moment, every corner, conversation, was it's own world. It was more than I could have ever expected or hoped for.

When Worth asked me to be a part of the show, I wanted to say no. Actually it was a "Yes, no, yes, no" situation for days. I had nothing prepared. It's an investment to prepare your work for an exhibit. The one year anniversary of my dads accident was days (Christmas) after the event. My husband was struggling with his depression, so much laundry, my books were filled with wedding's and events. Guilt because I should be snuggling my kids, touching their faces and not thinking about anything other than that moment. I myself was a big, beautiful mess. Trying to stay afloat. But I said yes anyway. If I said no, WHEN would I actually do it? When would I do something like this for me? I decided everything will fall into place... it did. Kind of. It was a struggle. The kind of struggle that taught me about myself, my insecurities, it made me hustle. I hustled hard. It made me grow. My kids and my husband got to see me grow, to follow the advice that I would give them. I did it.

From the moment production started, it felt like being lifted, a new energy. I was surrounded by artists that would rather create than sleep. Supporting each other, while simultainiously putting every ounce of themselves into their medium. Cruz and Cass produced more art in one month than I knew was physically or mentally possible, resulting in me falling madly in love with their brains, the most beautiful brains. And then to have one of those beautiful creatures take moments that I've captured and infuse them into her world. I'm not sure I actually have words for that. I could probably describe it better through a self portrait of me dancing- while laugh crying, after waking up from a dream filled nap.

And then came the night we had all been planning for. All the beautiful faces, hugs, warm lights, Worth, Jenny and Amanda Price, of The AM - Acoustic Minds, Cassandra Lewis & The Foxxtones, Skip VonKuske!!! Awoldance performing excerpts from 'Nature of Daylight' (to make it's full world premiere at Fertile Ground Festival this month ). My daughter Nevaeh sang an original song; obviously a highlight of mine. I would relive all the growth moments of this experience over and over again to relive those three minutes of her performing. She is by far my greatest masterpiece. To have her invited to sing at my first show was a gift. She shines so bright to me that the rest becomes a bit of a blur. Mothers love, can't blame me. Luckily, I shot the the event so blurry or not, here it is, frame by frame. Saturnalia.